Spotlight Syndrome

While talking over today's Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest devotional with Robert at breakfast, it occurred to me that while it is true that we were not expected to use our abilities to fulfill the purposes of God in and of themselves, we are indeed  called to shine. Perhaps the problem comes when we believe that we are to be in the spotlight – meaning by contrast that all others must be shrouded in darkness in order for us to shine. 

God is an artist, and we are the outworking of his internal and intrinsic beauty. 

I have long been terrified to shine. I have been accused of trying to hog the spotlight, had my motives questioned, and spent the past 40 years in self-doubt. I want this to be the last year that I worry about whether or not I doubt myself, or listen to the criticisms of others. 

Someone I love once told me that I will never succeed because I will never do the work it takes to succeed. Because of that, I have lived under a shroud of fear. No more. 

In January, I wrote a song called Break Out. I'm not ready to share it yet, because I have only recently begun to really feel I know what I want to do for the bridge, but I do believe that it states this realization the best. The chorus is this:

But what if I break out?

What if I silence those voices in my head, and break out

To listen to Your voice instead?

Jesus, Jesus

Your blood has covered me

I want to be all You created me to be 

I will do exactly that. I will no longer listen to the lies and deception of the enemy, and I will follow God's will for my life and do the things He created me to do. That is all there is to it, and I will no longer make excuses as to why I have not.

Amen.