Worry Free?

Monday, May 22, 2017

Worry Free?

Scripture:

John 6:34

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

John 16:33

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

Devotional:

I am a mom. As a mom…..well, I worry. Sigh. Even when I say it I feel like an addict at a recovery meeting.

“Hi. My name is Olivia, and I am a worrier.”

(Your turn: “Hi, Olivia.)

It’s funny. I was single for several years after I returned to the Lord, having chosen to marry an unbeliever and sadly been divorced just prior to my return. It was a twelve year process of God changing my heart to turn a combination of fear and selfishness around into a desire to be a mother and share life with children, to raise them and to love them. The desire to be a mom came several years before God allowed me to find my husband. We planned everything out, and then surprise! Instead of five years of leisurely enjoyment of our honeymoon phase, we were blessed within four months with our first pregnancy.

Before my pregnancy with Christian, I prided myself on being able to bring everything to the Lord. I struggled like anyone but felt like I had such a good handle on worrying. Haaaaahahahahaha. Ha ha. Oh goodness. I was so cute!

Yesterday, we took our family out to breakfast. My husband went inside the busy restaurant to put us on the wait list, and my children and I per our agreement stayed outside to play with some super cute games the restaurant had on the patio for the waiting crowd.

Except Christian. Oh my goodness. I’ve mentioned a few times that our little boy is autistic. He is developmentally around 10-14 months old, though we of course pour so much into him to try to help him as do his teachers and aids. He cannot speak, and he does not understand why he needs to stay with us at all times. He cannot be brought to a park to play without hypervigilance and risk of running off, so fast and far it would be impossible to catch him and avoid his being hit by an oncoming car. He also does not understand traffic at all. So I stay within 5 feet of him all the time, have gates and locks on everything in the house, and am constantly reminding him what his boundaries are. All day every day, like a 10 month old. For the past 5 years.

Except, for the first time, yesterday. I forgot about him. I forgot I told my husband I would watch both kids and became engrossed with helping our little social butterfly, Chloe, get involved with a game with some kids a lot older and as a result more rambunctious than her. And off he went.

The shopping center where we were dining has an escalator. He is a HUGE fan of escalators. Any time we go near one, I have to prep him very well for the number of times he will be allowed to ride, and even then it is a physical challenge to help him move on from the area and keep going the way we need to go. He remembered the escalator. In the moment he disappeared (as I mentioned, I have avoided this for five years), I panicked and completely forgot. My husband came out and we both asked where Christian was, and I completely flipped out. I ran around looking for him, distressed like any mom, and told the few people I ran into that our nonverbal autistic son had disappeared and I could not find him. The hostess and other servers stopped and looked through the restaurant so we could concentrate on looking around the area. My heart pounded. I was quietly sobbing, I grabbed our little girl and tried to run around to find him holding her because she can’t walk as fast….Ohhhhhhh. Ohhhhh. OHHHHHH.

It took only a few minutes for my husband to find him—of course…on the escalator. Up a flight of stairs, across a typically busy parking lot, completely out of view of us. With no way of telling anyone who he is, where his parents are, no understanding of personal safety, and no way to protect himself from anyone who would reach out to take him. Just playing with extreme joy, oblivious to any harm that could come his way.

I honestly do not know how to stop worrying. I honestly do not know how to be a mother to this sweet boy and at the same time obey my Father. I do know, however, that He does make His mercies new for me every morning. He forgives me for my mistakes. He brought my little boy back.

I pray that each of us will be able to take each day as new, and begin to trust our Lord. I know that as a mom of children with strong wills, and in my case with another special need, we struggle here. We are so blessed as believers to have an understanding of God’s heart for us. He is not telling us not to worry so we will see our worry as a disqualification, rather to minister to us that He HAS GOT IT COVERED. He loves us, and will guide us each step we take if we put our trust in Him. I am so grateful for this. Let’s drink today of His peace, and find a place of trust that is our measure for today.

Prayer:

Father, You know that I am a mom. You know that my worries are so hard to release. I honestly do not know how to do that. I need You, Lord, to flood me with Your peace. I need You, Lord, to guide me day by day with wisdom. I choose to receive Your peace today, and ask that You will melt my worry.

I lift up my children to You. I ask that You will intervene in (area of need or concern). I ask that You will teach me to spend more time at Your throne and less trying to fix the problem.

Thank You for Who You are. I love You, Father, and bless Your holy Name. In Jesus’ Name I pray, amen.